So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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