i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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