He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Randomize
