i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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