I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
