Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
