If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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