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Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
