I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
