honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
