worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
