My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
