I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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