I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
The power of my boobs compel you
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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