My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
