I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
