I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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