im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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