I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
