i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
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