dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
