I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Randomize
