why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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