Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
