her vagina looked like bernie madoff
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
