Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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