Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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