Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize