normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
