Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
