I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
