Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
My feet surprised me
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