He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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