sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
