I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
