good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
