The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
