There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
