Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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