You just made me feel so damn special
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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