So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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