his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
