I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
