R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
