Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
