hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
