I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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