It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
