somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
