what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
