I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
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