I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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