Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
