my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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