bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
