I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
