he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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