I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
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