Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
this is an emotional support booty call
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