i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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