she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
