Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
