Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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