I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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