i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
