Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Randomize
