By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Randomize
