I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
