community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Randomize
