he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
